Sunday, April 17, 2011

Happy Running

I have begun a post three times now.  I am all over the place with my thoughts and as you all know writing is not my strong suit.  I sometimes find it so hard to write a post and, other times I just write exactly what I am thinking (that usually means it is a garbled mess).  When I was a kid I used to dream of being a writer.  I joined writing clubs at school, stayed after school just to write, wrote papers for other kids (oh it was a trade I would write two papers and my buddy would edit both).  I have somehow drifted so far away from that, that now I can't even string a few thoughts together, hummmmm, when did that happen?  Well, lets get to this post...I am warning you now I might be all over the place.

I went to the Doc this week, I am cleared to run on even surfaces (ok he said I was only allowed to run on a track but ummmmmmm no one can do that for 14 miles, I am not crazy, you know ;)).  The day after he cleared me to run I hit the roads for 14.5 (what? I am sure when he said take it easy he meant anything under 20)  blissfully sweet miles.  OMG!!! That run felt awesome.  I ran a short run today and tomorrow I plan to take the legs out for a 20+ miler.  I realize I am no where near in shape for this race.  I actually find myself a bit panicked about going to the race alone, to race up and down a mountain on a busted ankle and in poor physical condition.  But, somehow I can't drop out, I really want to do this, I want to spend all day at a race chugging along, I miss it.  I keep telling myself I am ok with the goal of just finishing.  I hope that isn't a lie.  I hope that I will be totally fine with just getting this one done.  I really really hope the ankle holds up, I would say there is a 50/50 chance of that.  I am nervous.  That is it, I am nervous and for the first time I am not sure if I can really even finish a race much less do well. 

And now onto a totally different subject:

Picture from my Novice year on the rowing team.
I am happy!  I love my life!  I am a positive person, not much gets me down.  I am annoyingly optimistic.  I wasn't always like this.  I was always a fighter, always determined, always a hard worker but not happy.  I didn't find happiness until my 30's.  I received an email this week from a friend whom I admire more than she will ever know.  She was reminiscing about our college days and here is the thing:  I am totally embarrassed of the person I was during college.  I just didn't like myself and I think it showed in so many ways.  But then I can't really regret it too much because I am here now.  My journey no matter how ridiculous it has been got me here and I like HERE.  But sometimes I wish I could go back and be the person I am now, the friend I am now to those amazing ladies I met back in college.  I met the most amazing women during my days as a rower in college.  They sort of drug me through college and from there I went into the Navy where I met another group of amazing people.  I guess what I am saying is I have been blessed in my life.  When I was lost in the forest I had amazing folks to help show me the way.  Every person has their journey, we can't change our pasts but we can change how we do things now, we can always work on being better.  I am thankful to those who helped me get to this place of HAPPY because it ROCKS!

I wish I could write exactly what I am trying to say the way I hear it when I am running.  hummmmm

Back to running, I think after tomorrow I better get going on a taper.  Even with no training I think it is better to not have sore legs going into the race than to try and squeeze one more week of running in.  OMG...this is nuts.  I am beginning to think this 50 miler is the craziest thing I have done to date.  Fingers crossed. I am going in on a wing and a prayer.

Happy Spring Break everyone.  Chloe and I are headed to VT for some much needed sister/cousin time.  Have I said lately how much I love living so close to my sister.  Wahooooooo. 


Anonymous said...

You a a great woman, one so many look up to, a great friend, a great Mother and Daughter.

Anonymous said...

I met you while you were in "the forest", close to the end of your time there; a warrior fighting her own demons and toeing the line against enemies she'd sworn to defeat. A hard place to be sure. And if you can claim that we poor souls were enough light to guide you along your way, then some among those souls can claim your light and life as help and guide on their own paths. I, among them, am thankful that our ways crossed. Watching you (even from way over here) arrive at HAPPY made every step, every challenge and pain encountered while we stood together all worth the effort. Welcome home. Nice work. Peace........

Nursing Stroller-Pushing Marathoner said...

Love this post Tara! You are such an inspiration and hearing stories about the forest you had to get through to get here only makes you even more of an inspiration.

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